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| Dear Marielyn,
I know right now you're still pretty confused. I also know that you're still hurt and still suffering from a massive heartbreak you can't ever forget. I know you're holding back a lot of tears and you're dying to just let them all out. But, you don't want to. And it's ok. You've cried rivers of tears for that boy. You wept yourself to sleep whenever he did something to hurt you emotionally. Now, after all the bull shit he put you through, he doesn't deserve a person so caring and wonderful like you to cry tears for him. You feel like you sacrificed and gave everything you could for that boy... and all he did in the end was hurt you worse than before. You loved him with all your heart and tried to give him the kind of love that others would've killed to have. You loved him... you truely did. Never be ashamed of something you felt- no matter the outcome. You gave your heart to the guy. You were always thinking about his wellfare and praying that his life would become easier. You accepted everything about him when everyone else saw just his flaws. He wasn't the smartest guy... he was so avoident... he was way too flirty for you liking... and he was one of those emo kids that wrote REALLY bad emo poetry... but you saw them as simple quirks and adored those traits, because they were him... and you loved him no matter what. The thing is, you never knew if he accepted you in the same manner. One thing he seemed to be concerned about was he thought you were the jealous type... which is some real bull crap. There were times you admited to feeling jeaous, but, you recognized them and started to changed and improve on them FOR HIM. But, he still used that excuse when EVERYONE knew you were the least jealous person. And the things you admitted about being jealous about... were very normal things that any girl would find herself jealous of. I mean, the dude would flirt with other girls... and even his exes... in front of you. WTF was that?! When your friends... and everyone else... said you were wayyyy too good for him. They weren't lying. He was the total douchebag. You deserve a lot better than him. You were true to your heart and true to him. And one day... he's going to regret it because it's a sure thing that he is going to find no one like you. There is no other girl that would be there for him, like you did. No other girl who would stay up through the late hours, listening to all his problems like you did. No other girl, who would stick with him and support him through EVERYTHING, like you did. And most importantly... he's gonna find no other girl who loved him with everything in her heart, like you did. But you... there are going to be guys who will appreciate you for you really are. One day, you're going to find that guy who will love you and vice versa, like the way you deserve. Just remember... you have to dig through the trash before you can find the treasure. You'll find your treasure. Smile girl... Know that now, you can let go of that baggage and move on. You're stronger than most people think, never forget that. Sincerely, Marielyn
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| Ugh... I haven't been here in a longggggggg while. I guess I got caught up in MySpace hala-balu... But yes, I'm not dead.
Few updates on my life:
Summer Vacation-
BORING!!!!!! I didn't do that much. Sleep, eat, watch tv, talk to friends, and go shopping. But whatever... By July, I was aching to go back. I wanted to see my friends sooooo badly. I have to thank Tom for creating MySpace. I'm quite lazy, so I never felt like calling people. MySpace was the only way for me to keep in contact with certain friends.
Love Life-
COLD FISH!!
Gahhhhhhhhh... yups. During the summer, me and Nathaniel kept in close contact. Again, I'm lazy and rarely like to call people. Nathaniel was the only exception to this. It's funny, I'd sometimes spend 10 minutes trying to decide if I should call him or not. Then 10 more minutes planning out what the hell I should say to him. I'm weird like that. Or, my crazy love-sick girly emotions make me weird like that.
Mmmm... I want sushi...
Anyways, it's weird between us now. Not bad- weird. It's just we're still not going out or we haven't really established a real relationship. People come up to us in the hall ways or the lunch room and ask if we're going out. I say nothing and he says no. I look at him, laugh, and say, "At least not yet!" And he laughs and we both walk away together. Yeah...
BUT! We have talked about it. Turns out he's a confused little puppy. He feels he isn't ready to jump into anything- just yet. He doesn't want to make any mistakes between us that might jeopardize our friendship or hurt me again- like he did before. I understand. He has told me he still likes me alot and would want us to be more than friends one day. Well, we are more than friends... we're best friends that share deeper feelings for each other.
I still like him alot. He's still the guy I look forward to talking to on the phone at night, see during school, and think of lovingly every time I tend to day dream. We're still very close and getting closer by the passing of days. I still would like for us to start dating one day, but I'm not as hung up about it as before. Whatever happens- happens. I'm just glad I have him in my life in the first place.
It's weird, y'know... how someone just enters your life and the next day, you can't imagine life without them. That's Nathaniel to me. I often think of how my life would go if I weren't friends with him, and I'm sooooooooo glad he's here with me. We had our drama, and we worked it out. We may not be officially together, but we're together in a sense of that me care deeply for one another and will always be there for each other. He's a good guy and I treasure every moment shared with him. Some would assume that I regret him being my first kiss when it lead to nothing.
WRONG!
I can think of no one better to have as my first kiss. I mean- how many girls can say their first kiss was with someone as special as your best friend? And to have that moment captured in photos to treasure for the rest of your life?! I'm happy and I have no regrets... well... the drama before hand may be a little regret, but it lead to all this, so it can't be that regretful... DARN YOU, DESTINY!!! You have a weird way to work things out!! RAWR-meowwwwww. >:3
*more kitty noise*
But, I love him... I really do. ^_^ (Not the serious big-L, mind you!) lol
School life-
The first week was HORRIBLY DISAPPOINTING. I expected it to go better and fast, but it didn't. NOOOOO! It just made me mad. The classes I didn't have with friends, I had them with people I didn't like or didn't wanted to be in the same room with. I'm not shallow, I just don't like them cuz they act like idiots most of the time. Y'know... the people who think doing stupid and immature stuff is cool and therefore makes them cool? Yeah, can't stand them. They also messed up my schedule a bit. They placed me in a non-honors English class. But, on the second week, they fixed it.
I was getting used to it though. I may have disliked the teacher GREATLY for her lack of teaching skills and lack of diciplinary actions, and most of the class for their outrageously disturbing and obnoxious behaviour... but, I would've stayed for only one reason. That one reason, you ask? What is the one thing that would've made me stay in that class even if I wasn't gonna learn anything useful for the whole school year?
(...)
Do you really have to ask?
Nathaniel, DUH!
I had one class with him. I would've stayed just so I could be there with him and help him pass the class. But, alas... they changed me to English Honors. He was disappointed I was leaving him, but I still have lunch with him, so it's ok. We can still see each other then. Plus, it's not like I won't see him after school. I'll be staying after almost everyday.
Darnit... why does everything I talk about always lead back to him????
Life in General-
Lots of family issues which lead me to greatly dislike(more like dispise to my very core) my mother. I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask me how I could dispise the woman who gave life to me... Let's just say, she did something absolutely horrible that may end up breaking our family apart. I'm not going to forgive her. I don't want to and I don't plan to.
I may sound horrible for saying such things, but after what she did, that woman deserves no forgiveness or pity from anyone.
That's all for now, I think.
See you all back when I feel like rambling on about non-sense again! :)
Rawr-meowww... ;3 | | |
| Today was the last day of school and I'm already missing everybody!
The annuel NJROTC End of the Year picnic was held today. My friends and I signed up to help out setting up. Y'know... set up the food, chairs, tables, etc...
I admit... we were slacking off most of the time...
(left to right: Me, Maya, and Amber.)
There was also a DJ playing a variety of go-go(me hates the go-go), rap, hip-hop, and r&b songs.
Amber and Dezman lean wit it(rock wit it)!
And we get the first dibs on juicy sweet watermelon before anyone else.
Emile and Shalia!
My (unofficial) sisters even take time to enjoy a short break and get some watermelon for themselves.
(left to right: Teresa and Berni) lol, I love their faces! >XD
Teresa: Mmmm!
Berni: WTF is this sh*t?!
Maya gets a slice too...
Teresa: MORE WATERMELON!!
Why did the picture come out this small?? :(
And while we're busy slacking off, some people are actually working.
The twins... Jordan(black) and Jason(green) working at one of the grills.
Somewhere along the way, Nathaniel and I meet up and start flirting up a storm...
We talk, laugh, flirt, hug, play, cuddle, tickle, and just have fun with each other. He especially has fun playing with my hair. Petty Officer Mosely spies on us too. He's like my second overprotective dad. *lol*
PO Mosely: *spots us* What are you two doing?
Me&Nate: Nothing... *laughs*
PO: Don't tell me you and Mr. Jackson are going out??!
Me: *blushes*
Nate: *laughs*
PO: *sighs and walks off*
Then I go off and steal Dezman's hat... I look better in it anyways...
I rocked that hat!
Then, we eat. The food was good. Hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad, beans, and more. Afterwards, I and most of my friends were serving food throughout the whole thing. There are no pictures of that 'cause I was busy. Then we clean up. Afterwards, I take more pictures.
I take a picture with my buddy boi, Namaad.
If I look drained in that picture, it was because I was. And the humidity messed my hair!
Groupshot!
Amber(khaki shorts), Teresa(orange), Jordan(bottom), me, Fanta(behind me), Maya(in the back, and Issac(tall, black shirt).
Clarence...
... loves taking pictures of himself...
Clarence and Maya!
Me and Clarence...
I'm tired...
Teresa...
Hehehh... Amber, Maya, Teresa, and Berni discuss something that happened. Something concerning me. Scroll down to see what I mean... ;)
Teresa: OMG! Are you serious?! They're...
Berni: YES!!! :D
Sometime before the upper picture, I spot Nathaniel and drag him to take a picture with me.
Me: This is our few minutes together, lover boi! You're spending them with ME and ME alone!
Kiss on the forehead!
I look so cute! >XD I didn't even notice he was kissing me until I previewed the picture.
Then....
Marielyn's first ever real kiss... preserved forever in a picture. And yes... I did edit the picture just a bit to give it that dreamy-like feeling.
He took me totally by surprise, too. I was planning on innocently kissing him on the cheek in this picture. But, as I turned to tell him that, he just kisses me. :3 Which is sorta funny, cause I really did want to kiss him Earlier in the day, I was thinking, 'I will get my kiss, dammit!' and I while we were hanging out, I told him that one of my regrets about us was that we never kissed(on the lips) and I really wanted him to be my first kiss. When I told him that, he laughed. I guess he was planning this to happen all along... cheeky devil...
All my friends were witnesses, too. And they were surprised like hell! Berni then asked, "So... are you two... together." I giggle bashfully and look up at Nathaniel saying, "Well? Nathaniel?"
He whispers in my ear and playfully says, "They'll find out next school year." I laugh, knowing what he meant by that and tell the same thing to my friends. Berni's not satisfied by that answer though and pulls me to the side and asks the same thing. I say nothing and look over to Nathaniel and sit down in a nearby seat. She looks at him and calls him to her. He hides behind Maya, but she literally pulls him to her. I couldn't make out what on earth she was saying, but it was probably along the lines of if me and Nate were an item now. He says the same thing, that she'll find out next school year. She isn't satisfied and is all threatening him to tell her. Damn them, whispering so I couldn't hear. Anyways, I saw him nod eagerly and Berni goes crazy. She squeals sooooo loudly and throws her arms around him. It was funny from my point of view.
What a way to end the school year, ne?
As for me and Nate... just know that we will be keeping in very very close contact with each other during the summer.
AGAIN, JUST FOR THE LOVE OF IT!!!
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| Friday is the very very last day of school for me. It's so bittersweet. While I'm glad the school year is finally over, I'm sad to say goodbye to some people and not seeing them for a long long while.
Here are some goodbyes that a few friends wrote to me.
From Dezman, a buddy who has an even more perverse mind than me:
"You rock, dude! U r sooo awesome. Rock your summer, dude."
From Jonathan, a friend who desperately wanted me and Nate to hook up.
"Marielyn, enjoy your summer, stay out of bad things, and keep makin them bomb rice krispy treats. haha."
From Oluchi aka Lu Lu, one of muh gurlz and one of my unofficial sisiters.
"Dear Marielyn,
Hey wat sup, you are a good friend of min and you help me when I needed some to lean on. Even though I have four sisters, there is nothing wrong having just one more. Hope to see yah next year and take care of yourself and get those boys off you. DO THA DAMN THANG GURL!!!"
From Ashley, muh gurl.
"Hey Marielyn, I hope you have a wonderful summer. I'm looking forward to seeing you next year. I had a really great time being friends with you, talking and laughing. Have an awesome summer!"
From Ernest, buddy boi.
"It was really cool having class with you. I hope you have a cool summer. Don't let anybody mess with you."
From Nathaniel aka Nate, my could've been boyfriend. *lol*
"To Marielyn, Hope you had an awesome school year. Sorry about the drama than happened, but hope you have an awesome summer and can't wait to see you next school year. Hopefully, things go better between us.
PS. If you have any problems or just want to talk, give me a call. I'm sure you have my #."
From Bernadette aka Berni. My over protective unofficial sister.
"Hey Chile, Well I hope that you enjoy your summer cauz I know I will. Don't you go chasin after dem boys because real gangstaz like us let the boys do all the chasin. ya know dat I have mucho love for ya. dis is bis sis overr here. Be good and stay in achool cauz we all want that bread(money) so we is gonna work & study hard for it. When we done we play hard 2 cauz it's only right.
Much love, Berni!!"
From Jordan, the EVIL twin.
"Have a good summer. See you later next year!"
From Chantelle aka Channy. Our future CO!
"Marielyn,
Have a wonderful summer. Yea! We're finally juniors(one more year after). At least we have something to look forward to next year... a smart academic capt."
From Maya aka Maya Papaya. One of muh gurlz, especially from 8th grade.
"Hey Marielyn! Finally! School is over. We're gonna be juniors next year! I still can't believe it! You better stay out of trouble this summer & keep drawing! ^_^
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!"
From Teresa aka Reesies or Teree-ree. My loud unofficial sister.
"Hey May-May, Munchkin, Small One, and all that jazz!!
I hope ypu have a great summer! Don't stress over these dumb boys! They ain't worth it! Soon they'll realize your value, then they'll be dying 2 get you. You'll be a great academic Team Captain! Good luck!
Your Friend, Teresa
Have a great summer & don't get preggers! If u do, name it after me!"
From Saliyah. Friend who had my back through all the Nate!drama.
"I only knew you for a little while, but find myself really liking you as a bestfriend and hoping this friendship lasts for a life time."
From Clarence aka Mister Drama. The friend crazy about eggrolls/lumpia.
"Another year gone and we're that much closer to being seniors. This is getting scary but o well. I'm glad you're in my life and I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't Have a great summer and I wish you happiness in whatever you do. PS. Keep the eggrolls coming! ^_^"
From Devin. Anime obsessed like me!
"I'm gonna miss you. =("
From Korey aka King Kong. The big guy got my back always.
"Sup Marielyn,
I'm not going to be here next year, but you have my number so we can keep in touch. You'll always be one of my best friends. I'll miss you!"
CONTINUED only 2 more...
From Namaad. Twin brother of Nate and is the flirty twin.
"Hey Marielyn, Thanks for being one of my closest friends. Also, thanks for forcing me to join the academic team."
From Amber. One of my crazy friends, who was in a ruch to take her make-up final the time she wrote this simple message.
"Hey Buddy,
Have a great summer. Get a job."
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